"She Looks Like Chocolate"--the Service of Friendship

By Heather B. Moore

“I have a new friend, and she looks like chocolate,” I told my parents when I came home on the first day of 2^nd grade. We had recently moved to the suburb of Maadi, just outside of Cairo, Egypt.

I was a Utah girl, and in 1978, had not known anyone who was a skin-shade darker than olive. When I met Abby, I was fascinated by the color of her skin. But at the age of seven, I didn’t have a frame of reference to describe her, except for maybe chocolate-colored skin.

Abby and I became fast friends. We were both precocious girls who loved to play together at recess and sit together during class. Over the course of our friendship, we told many secrets to each other, passed notes in class, and we even slept over at each others’ homes. When we both moved back to the states, we shared sporadic letters while I was living in Utah and she in Chicago. Eventually we lost contact. But I’ll never forget her as my first friend who didn’t share the same religion, culture, or skin-color.

I’ve often wondered how exactly does a friendship start and what draws us together? Why do we immediately “click” with some and not with others? Most of my friendships have been slow transitions. It usually takes me quite a while to develop a trusting and strong relationship with another individual. But with Abby, it seemed that our hearts were connected right from the beginning.

True friendship can be an incredible blessing in our lives. When I started writing my first book, I told no one except my husband. I was afraid to share it with even my closest friends. When I started opening up a couple of years later, I found the support overwhelming. I also joined a network of other LDS writers, which led to new acquaintances. I held back my friendship for the most part because I felt that I had a full life, plenty of relationships to keep track of, and friendships take time to cultivate and grow. Who had the time for one more?

I was sorely mistaken. In the past few years, I’ve met wonderful people who have become some of my dearest of friends. As we set aside the busyness of life and listen to the promptings, we’ll find that there is always room for one more person, just as the Savior makes room for each of us.

Friendship is a two-way street and many times we are at the receiving end, but it’s important to be at the giving end as well. As we extend our friendship to others, offering care and a compassionate ear, we are truly serving in the highest court possible. Many times in my life, an act of service has been the beginning of a good friendship. The example Christ set for us was not only to serve each other but to love each other, and that comes through cultivating friendships.

Sister Hinckley said it beautifully, “Sisters, we are all in this together. We need each other . . . Those of us who are old need you who are young. And, hopefully, you who are young need some of us who are old. It is a sociological fact that women need women. We need deep and satisfying and loyal friendships with each other. These friendships are a necessary source of sustenance. We need to renew our faith every day. We need to lock arms and help build the kingdom so that it will roll forth and fill the whole earth.” (Glimpses, 254–255)

I think of Sariah, wife of Lehi, and her life-changing journey into the wilderness. A camel caravan typically took about four months to travel the distance from the coast of Oman to the city of Jerusalem. Sariah’s family spent eight years traveling that same distance. She was faced with many hardships, including giving birth in primitive conditions, trying to keep her family together, foraging for her growing family in a desolate terrain, and being asked by the Lord to no longer light fires, cutting off her ability to cook meat. How did Sariah cope with her burdens? I believe she had a friend, perhaps many friends. Certainly in her husband and in most of her children, but she had Ishmael’s wife.

It comforts me to imagine that these two women shared their heartaches, as well as their joys together, and that their friendship helped strengthen each other as they met their trials with faith and served each other in love.

--Heather Moore is the author of Women of the Book of Mormon: Insights & Inspirations, and the recent novel, Ammon.

Finding Peace Through the Atonement

By Heather B. Moore

Finding peace in our lives may sometimes seem impossible as we struggle with disappointments, broken hearts, illness, death of a loved one, or financial problems.

President Heber J. Grant outlived many members of his immediate family, including his parents, his first wife, Lucy, his only two sons, then later his second wife, Emily, and then his daughter.

His wife, Lucy, suffered a long illness and just an hour before her death he called his children into the room. He told them it was time to say goodbye to their mother. One of his daughters, about 12 years old, said that she wanted him to lay his hands upon her mother and heal her, as he had done to relieve her pain in the past.

President Grant tried to assure his daughter that it was her mother’s time to go. When the children left the room, he knelt and prayed, telling the Lord that he acknowledged His hand in life, in death, in joy, in sorrow, in prosperity, or adversity. He was grateful that his wife belonged to him for all eternity, and that the power and authority of the priesthood had been restored. Then he prayed that his little girl would acknowledge that it was God’s will that her mother should die.

After Lucy passed away, President Grant called the children back into the room. His 5-year old son was weeping bitterly when his 12-year old daughter said, “Do not weep, do not cry, Heber; since we went out of this room the voice of the Lord from heaven has said to me, ‘In the death of your mamma the will of the Lord shall be done.’”

Later, before a congregation, President Grant said, “Tell me, my friends, that I do not know that God hears and answers prayers! Tell me that I do not know that in the hour of adversity the Latter-day Saints are comforted and blessed and consoled as no other people are!” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Heber J. Grant, 43)

Through prayer, we can find peace and learn to accept the Atonement in our lives. Often trials are unexpected, and we are overwhelmed with the change of events—we lose sleep, our appetites, and are at a loss for a solution. The following quote refers to the trial of losing a loved one, but can be applied to much more:

President Monson said, “Frequently, death comes as an intruder. . . . Death lays its heavy hand upon those dear to us and, at times, leaves us baffled and wondering. In certain situations, as in great suffering and illness, death comes as an angel of mercy. But to those bereaved, the Master’s promise of peace is the comforting balm which heals: “peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid”(John 14:27) (“Finding Peace,” Ensign, Mar. 2004, 6–7).

As members of the LDS church, we’ve been given additional knowledge of the cycle of life through the plan of salvation. We know that our trials are short in comparison to the eternal realm. But if we are searching for worldly peace or worldly solutions for our trials, we’ll find little comfort.

The Savior said, “I am the resurrection, and the life. He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die”(John 11:25–26).

The Savior took upon Himself the Atonement so that we might have hope, that we might overcome our trials, be forgiven and washed clean time and time again, in order to live with Him.

Neal A. Maxwell said, “Trying to comprehend the trials and meaning of this life without understanding Heavenly Father’s marvelously encompassing plan of salvation is like trying to understand a three-act play while seeing only the second act” (“Enduring Well,” Ensign, Apr. 1997, 7).

We need to trust in the Atonement and accept what the Savior has so freely offered us. Only then can we be made whole, as Isaiah clarified: “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows. . . . And with his stripes we are healed” (Isa. 53:4–5; emphasis added).

The hardships and trials of this life will pass, and the time will come when we “shall stand up in the presence of the living God, filled with joy and peace and satisfaction" (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Heber J. Grant, 46).

Books for Women

Well, and for men, but here is a list of some excellent new releases that are clean fiction and provide a compelling read.


Band of Sisters by Annette Lyon

Courting Miss Lancaster by Sarah M. Eden

Devils Food Cake by Josi S. Kilpack

The Golden Spiral by Lisa Mangum

The Cross Gardener by Jason F. Wright

Abish by KC Grant

Imprints by Rachel Ann Nunes

Gravity Vs the Girl by Riley Noehren

Are Mormon Women Oppressed?

I had an interesting book signing last night. I was at the Orem Costco, sitting right across the aisle from the Jello chocolate mousse. I'd eaten dinner, but the visual of all that food was making me hungry again. Otherwise . . . I had some very interesting conversations with people about the Book of Mormon, etc. The most interesting conversation was when a woman rushed up to me. She had seen my poster at the front door of Costco. It turns out she was looking for a book on "Muslim" women, not "Mormon" women.

She said she didn't want to read about Mormon women because we were oppressed. She left Utah and returned 45 years later to find that Mormon women weren't respected. I don't know if I had my best thinking cap on but I replied, "If a woman demands respect, she'll get it. It doesn't matter what religion she practices."

I asked her what religion she was and she said she was Catholic. I told her she might be interested in my chapter on Eve since the LDS view of Eve is unique from all other religions. She said that she'd prefer to believe as the Catholics do about Eve. In the foreword of my book, Dr. Kaye Terry Hanson discusses just that--the differences between our viewpoint on the Fall and Eve's role in it versus the viewpoint that comes from other religions.

The woman went her way, but it left me thinking about our conversation all night. I wondered if the world sees Mormon women as oppressed for one reason or another. I don't feel oppressed. I've felt burned out at various times, but that's had nothing to do with my religious beliefs. I'm proud of being a woman, of being a Mormon, and of being an active member of the church. When I was at BYU Women's Conference last week, I climbed on a bus to ride from the parking lot to the Wilkinson Center. I didn't know a soul on the crowded bus, but everyone was smiling. I literally felt the power and goodness of these women and sensed that together they could accomplish anything. The immediate comraderie of these dozens of women was incredible, all coming together in one purpose, who had left their families and homes for a few days to learn about strengthening their families, developing new friendships, growing their testimonies of the Savior, and sharing their talents.

Visiting Teaching . . . Again?

Visiting teaching is hard, isn’t it? It seems that the month zooms by and suddenly there are only two days left. You might worry, “Will Sister Sorenson notice that I’m calling on the 29th, and will she notice the edge of persuasion in my voice when I ask her, quite firmly, if I can stop by tomorrow?”

What is it about visiting teaching deadlines? Why do we operate on a 30-day cycle? Are we saleswomen trying to achieve our monthly sales quota? Why are there visiting teaching coordinators who bug us the first week of the following month and ask for our report? Have you ever said, “Sure, I visited with her . . .” then mumbled, “for 10 seconds in the church hallway”?

What’s the big deal? Miss a few days, miss a few weeks, a month or two. You see the sisters you visit teach around the neighborhood. They have a smile on their face at church. So everything is fine, right? Besides, you don’t have time for visiting teachers to come to your house, so you’re pretty sure that your assigned sisters feel the same way.

For several years, I visit taught the same woman, although I’d gone through three different partners. We’d become good friends, and our appointments lasted at least an hour as we each caught up on our lives. Once in awhile, when I’d show up she wouldn’t be there. So if rescheduling didn’t work, I’d drop off a plant with a note, or a treat. Without an active partner, it became harder to stay accountable. Then one time I set up an appointment and forgot to go. She called me an hour after the set time and asked if I was coming. I apologized and said I could come right over, but she had to leave.

The next couple of weeks sped past and one day she called me. We chatted for a few minutes and then she became emotional. Some kids had at school had been giving her daughter a hard time. She really needed someone to talk to about it because she didn’t know how to deal with it or how to counsel her daughter. When we hung up from the conversation, I felt sad. Not just about her daughter, but because the one month I had missed was the one month that she needed me the most.

I started to see the wisdom of the monthly appointments. They aren’t meant to bog down our life. They are meant to develop friendships and relationships of trust. They are meant to teach us service—not at our convenience, but within the guidelines that the Lord has sent forth.

Visiting teaching is a great responsibility. We are bringing the message of Christ to our sisters. We are forging friendships that will last into eternity. We are serving in the most important capacity that is possible—but most importantly, we are saving souls. We need to find the time. Service takes time, and despite our busy lives, it should be a priority.

In the words of Sheri Dew, “It is vital that we, the sisters of Relief Society, learn to hear the voice of the Lord . . . the Holy Ghost blesses us with optimism and wisdom at times of challenge that we simply cannot muster on our own. No wonder that one of the adversary's favorite tactics among righteous LDS women is busyness—getting us so preoccupied with the flurry of daily life that we fail to immerse ourselves in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Sisters, we can't afford not to seek the things of the Spirit! There is too much at stake. Too many people are depending on us as mothers, as sisters, leaders, and friends.” (October 1998 General Relief Society Conference)

The women we have been called to visit teach need to know that they are our friends. That they can call us. That they can ask favors. That they know we will be happy to help. That they know we love them.

Marjorie P. Hinckley said, “Sisters, we are all in this together. We need each other . . . Those of us who are old need you who are young. And, hopefully, you who are young need some of us who are old. It is a sociological fact that women need women. We need deep and satisfying and loyal friendships with each other. These friendships are a necessary source of sustenance. We need to renew our faith every day. We need to lock arms and help build the kingdom so that it will roll forth and fill the whole earth.” (Glimpses, 254–255)

A Month of Love

With the focus on Valentines Day during the month of February, we are reminded of one of the greatest commandments, to love one another as the Savior loves us. How can we truly understand the love the Savior has for each of us? We must learn about the Savior in order to love Him.

“What does Jesus look like?” my children have often asked. Like most “LDS homes” we have various pictures of the Savior on our walls. Popular LDS artists depict him in a similar fashion—with those warm brown eyes, the sculpted, yet soft jaw-line, the kindness and understanding emulating from the picture . . .

We might have pictures of the Savior in our homes, as well as His words in scripture on our end tables, but do we truly see him, and have we found Him inside our hearts?

At the age of sixteen, my family moved from Orem, Utah, to Jerusalem, Israel. My father had been given an assignment to teach in the BYU Jerusalem Center. We lived in a three bedroom apartment near the Mount of Olives and each day my younger brother and sister and I took a city bus to school.

Over the course of a year, we got to know the bus driver. He spoke some English and would make the effort to chat with us, the American kids. It didn’t take him long to figure out that we were Mormons. The year was 1987 and the Jerusalem Center had undergone some controversy by the local Jewish community when it was being built—including staged protesting. Some of the leftover evidence came in the form of bumper stickers that we saw on cars that read: Mormons Go Home.

Despite the negative feelings of some Israeli citizens towards the Mormons, it seemed the bus driver was curious and open-minded. Some months into our stay in Israel, he started asking us about our Church. We, of course, could not proselyte, so our answers were very sterile. Then he asked about the Book of Mormon, and regrettably we could tell him nothing and we could not even give him one. Still, he was amiable and friendly, even waiting for us when we late and sprinting for the bus.

Now, many years later, I think of that bus driver who wanted to know more about the Savior, but there were obstacles preventing him from learning, and from me teaching. As Christmas approaches this year, I think of the obstacles that may prevent me from drawing closer to my Savior. Or even the obstacles that may prevent me from teaching those around me, specifically my children, more about the Savior.

One of my greatest challenges in life is managing my time. Like many of you, I am balancing many things, including writing, editing, family, church, and community responsibilities. Where can I fit in yet another relationship? One with Heavenly Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ? Yes, I have reminders on the walls of my home, and in the pages of the scriptures that I read on a regular basis. But am I really seeing Him?

Because of the opportunity to live in Israel, I have walked where the Savior walked. I have visited the Garden tomb, surrounded by milling tourists, and tried to imagine the place in Christ’s day. I have looked at the stone slab where his body was laid out and thought about the coldness of the cave and the hardness of the stone.

I have wandered among the olive trees in the Garden of Gethsemane—those ancient trees that the Savior Himself had walked among, before falling to the ground and taking upon Him the sins of the world.

I have stood above the Central Bus Station on Golgotha—the site of the Crucifixion, surrounded by the modern sounds of living, and thought back to a time of quiet, a time when one innocent man gave up his life for the salvation of all men.

Yet, it does not matter whether I’ve visited the physical places where the Savior spent the moments leading up to the Atonement. Regardless of whether or not I am in my Utah home looking at a picture of the Savior or standing in front of the Garden Tomb, I must come to see who the Savior truly is.

With all the surrounding busyness of life, the Savior needs to become my anchor, but there is only one way to do that. Learn of Him. And this takes time and effort. As we are reminded to show our love for others this February, let us push aside the obstacles that prevent us from truly seeing our Savior. Let us pause and ponder. Look beyond the artist depiction of a man, but into the heart of the Savior, and the love He has for each of us.

To subscribe to YourLDSNeighborhood on-line newsletter please CLICK HERE.

Gratitude for Fasting

Fasting is painful. Literally. It wears you out, makes you cranky, and might even give you a pretty big headache. That is if you go the whole twenty-four hours, or even the two-meal deal. When I was sixteen, I fasted for twenty-four hours—for the first time ever. It was the day I received my patriarchal blessing. It was also the day that I felt the Spirit flood my body for the first time. Coincidence? No.

Since then, I’ve tried to be prayerful when fasting. The powerful experience that I received at sixteen hasn’t repeated itself, but I’ve had other, smaller, faith-building incidents along the way.

When I married and started having children, followed by nursing, it seemed that the years stretched on with little opportunity to fast. Either I was pregnant, or nursing, or dealing with some illness that was passed back and forth between myself and the kids. One Fast Sunday, when I was pregnant with my third child, a woman stood up in Relief Society to bear her testimony. You know those last three minutes of the meeting when the Presidency turns the time over for testimonies. This sister said something I’ll never forget. “Today I’m fasting even though I really have nothing to fast for.”

My eyes immediately filled with tears. I couldn’t fast, yet I had several things I wished I could be fasting for. “Fast for me,” I wanted to say. And then she did say it: “But I’m fasting because I know I’m supposed to, and maybe someone’s prayer will be answered.”

That day, my prayers were answered because someone else was fasting for me. Through the blessings of the fast, I was able to partake because of someone else’s obedience.

The LDS religion is not the only faith to incorporate the principle of fasting. Almost from the beginning of man’s existence, fasting has been the key to communicating with God. In the Old Testament, the people of Ezra sought protection of the Lord: “We fasted and besought our God” (Ezra 8:21–23, 31). Also, Nehemiah fasted and prayed for the people in Jerusalem: “I fasted and prayed before the God of heaven” (Neh. 1:4). Even Jesus Christ found it necessary to fast: “he had fasted forty days and forty nights” (Matt. 4:2).

Some of the most poignant examples of fasting are recorded in the Book of Mormon. When Alma the Younger was going about to destroy the kingdom of God, an angel intervened and rebuked him. Alma the Younger was struck by the power of God and lost the power of speech and all of his strength. His father, Alma the Elder, rejoiced that his son had been called to repentance by the Lord, yet he called the people of the church together to “fast, and to pray to the Lord their God,” so that his son might recover his strength and share his experience with others (Mosiah 27:22).

It is a difficult task for a parent to instill a desire to fast in their children. It continues to be an on-going process in my family. Through studying Alma the Younger’s story in the scriptures, we can help our children understand that fasting is a key component in developing and strengthening their testimony. Alma the Younger credits fasting as a part of his complete conversion: “And how do ye suppose that I know of their surety? Behold, I say unto you they are made known unto me by the Holy Spirit of God. Behold, I have fasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself” (Alma 5:45–46).

God has commanded His people to fast often, “I give unto you a commandment that ye shall continue in prayer and fasting from this time forth” (D&C 88:76, emphasis added).

In our Church today, each month one Sabbath day is reserved for fasting. The purpose of fasting is two-fold. First, to develop greater spiritual strength. During Fast Sunday we are expected to go without food or water, then contribute the money we would have spent on meals in the form of a fast offering. This fast offering is then distributed through the ward and/or stake to “assist the poor and needy” (see Topical Guide).

Yet, the “poor and needy” has taken on a whole new meaning over the past year with the volatility of the economy, both nation-wide and internationally. On the news, we hear that the economy is finally rebounding and the DOW is on an upward swing. But the fact remains that the unemployment rate was 9.8% in September, 2009 (the highest since 1983).

The law of the fast is more important than ever. We must continue to fast, for ourselves, for others, and for the Church. We must put our faith in Him and contribute when and where we can to His kingdom to bless our neighbors—to bless those who cannot fast for themselves. I am grateful that I’m healthy enough right now so that I can fast. And I’m grateful for the times when I haven’t been, that others have fasted in faith—blessing me through their obedience.